Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry about my life...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
