I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize