I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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