chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
