I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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