This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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