She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
