wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
