I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
