Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
