I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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