Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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