She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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