Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
