No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
