Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
