What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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