:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
