That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
