You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
