Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Operation Purity has been aborted
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
