Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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