Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
