Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
