i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
