what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
