So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
