just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
