Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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