Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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