I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its not stalking. its research.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
