honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
