I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize