I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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