WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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