The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize