Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
did i walk over a car last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
