Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
