i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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