So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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