Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
