coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
