The best revenge is premature balding
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
