I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
