You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
