the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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