Ambien. No doubt about it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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