Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
