Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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