Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
