kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
