I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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