Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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