so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
