she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
