i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How naked do you want me to be?
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