you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
