I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
