ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
