he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
