So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
