she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
