i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she looked like the before picture.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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