i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
