I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize