tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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