So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
