All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
