Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize