That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
